Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
