Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
