I'm going to jail i love you
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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