I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
