I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
