the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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