They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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