I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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