I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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