i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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