I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
