Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
