He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
