the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
