Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
