Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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