Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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