we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Everything about him screamed your future.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
