Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
