He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
