Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
