I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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