just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
