Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
