if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
