I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
