I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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