white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
