Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
