just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Come on in and take your pants off
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