eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
