Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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