I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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