I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i barfeds in our rink
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
