24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Randomize
