one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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