he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
