Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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