The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
