I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Randomize
