do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
