you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
