so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
