I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Moan for me like Helen Keller
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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