having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
