i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
