He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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