I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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