And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
