hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
