She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I had to cum in my sink.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
