Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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