We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
